i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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