Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
