the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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