i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
