Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
