I think my fart just growled at me.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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