SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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