We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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