OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
