next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
