I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
