we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
