Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(860): View more from Connecticut

And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds

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(712): View more from Iowa

Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?

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(704): View more from North Carolina

You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever

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(337): View more from Louisiana

Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.

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(913): View more from Kansas

So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on

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(410): View more from Maryland

Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo

(410): View more from Maryland

Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.

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(417): View more from Missouri

I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.

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(315): View more from New York

the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.

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