her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
