Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
