I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
