Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
