also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just gargled with NyQuil
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
