it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
