I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
