I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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