I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
