hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
