Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
