Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
