my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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