You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize