i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
