Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
