I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
