Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
