At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
