His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
