when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
