he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
