Just fell off a train. Bad.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize