ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
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