My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
