i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
