Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
