I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
well you can't waste a boner
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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