Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You can't special order awesome
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
