paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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