from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
