Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
