i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
