Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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