Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
