is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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