she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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