It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
17 year olds will be the death of me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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