Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
