is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
