Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I am available for nakedness
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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