She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i would punch a child for taco bell
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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