I wish you could order shots online.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
