I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's no shave November. This is our time.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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