Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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