Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
