can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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