as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
