Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
