Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
