I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
