brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
