you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
