if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
