Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
