Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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