He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He better not be in your backpack
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
