Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
