The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
