if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
