Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
