theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
