hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
