I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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