What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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