you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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