I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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