so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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