She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
