he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
