i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
