a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
