We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
