My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
When are your genitals available?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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