Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
