OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Can Purell be used as lube?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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