hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
