It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
