well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
