awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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