i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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